You’ll get it wrong before you get it right…
Hello lovelies, this wasn’t one of the first blog posts I wanted to write, and yet it is absolutely the right one to share 💛
You may want to get a cup of tea and a few minutes to yourself to read, after all, it is only a blog post, it’s not “War and Peace” 😊
My hope for you is that it brings you peace, you may bookmark it and refer back to it.
Because for every action you take, I’m taking my action too and together we will navigate this and we will all be better for it 💛
Love Karen xx
Today I’m sharing …
- Where we are at the moment,
- Why it’s a natural to place to be even though it’s enormously overwhelming,
- Where to start to feel in control again,
- It’s okay to get this wrong because you will, I will, we all will …
- And you have permission to keep going
We are all in an overwhelming place right now, and I’ve not spoken, commented or posted about it, yet this conversation has been developing within me, and when I heard Rich Roll say on his podcast, that he got called out because ‘it’s wrong to talk about anything apart from what is going on just now …’ I knew that the time had come.
And there both have been, and still is, a LOT going on right now, we have been swept along in the last six months, with events that both break our hearts and can leave us feeling powerless in the same moment.
From the Australian bush fires to Coronavirus, to Black Lives Matter, it’s a punch in the stomach, it’s a lot to take on.
It IS a lot to take on, for anybody, it does indeed feel like the weight of the world can be on your shoulders and even more so if your life was changing anyway. If you were already asking yourself, who am I, what is my purpose here, am I ready to step into my wisdom years? And if so how do I transition? And how do I do this without destroying, at worst, or least affecting, at best, those around me?
You may find yourself desperately holding onto what was once ‘normal’. You may find your head bursting with the question ‘How do I do something about this and never mind not get overwhelmed, how do I do this without burnout?’
‘What, for crying out loud, is the next step?’
These feelings are NATURAL even though it’s enormously overwhelming.
Every woman has the opportunity in her lifetime to step into, enjoy, relish and thrive in the areas of the maiden, woman, and wise one. For each phase, the transition can be alarming, difficult, joyous all at the same time, and for every wise woman I have met they have been grateful for their journey.
As we move forward, we cannot take everything with us into the next phase, we have to put down our baggage, we have to let go, we may have to destroy what we once believed to be true to create a space for a new version of ourselves to be. This is difficult and painful work. And this work is being amplified on a global scale, as the world steps into its new wisdom, some things have to be destroyed to allow us to start again, this is the first phase of transformation.
Next is just as naturally overwhelming, as you have opened the gateway to a flood of difficult question …
- So what do you create?
- What does a new world order look like?
- Crikey, what does YOUR new world look like?
- Who do you want to be?
- What could you, should you draw upon this blank page?
- What if you don’t like it?
- What if you get it wrong?
It’s natural to want to retreat, natural to want someone else to do it for you, natural for you to desperately hold onto what was once ‘normal’.
Pause for a minute and think about regeneration, about gestation, it doesn’t happen in a moment.
Yes, a paradigm shift, such as we are experiencing, happens in a split second, we know with every fibre of our being that we cannot go back to the way we were, and yet the new we do not know yet takes time, how we decide we will be taken consideration, our new habits take at least 21 days to form.
There is time in this phase, time to explore, time to discuss, time to discard, time to keep the best. This too is natural, although it doesn’t feel like this at first 💛
As the world takes these steps, as you take your steps, only THEN is the new reborn.
Rebirth, like any birth, is a difficult birth.
Even if it is easier for some, it still requires care, attention, guidance, space to be.
As we, you, I, enter this rebirth phase, it’s much easier to say No now, to refuse to accept the unacceptable, we’ve put down all our baggage already, we have let go.
We are wise women, we are not going to pick our baggage up again, and we are certainly NOT going to carry yours for you either!.
Kate Spencer has the phrase ‘Don’t pull anyone else’s shit cart!’
You may find yourself cursing more, that’s okay. As we become wiser we find it almost impossible not to speak out at injustice.
Our social etiquette filter is switched off. We cannot prioritise niceties when there is injustice.
Yes, a lot is going on, as a trainee, apprentice, call it what you will, wise woman, I cannot sugar coat it.
And it reminds me of so many truths, hidden within cliches and bumper stickers, use them as you will, hang onto them when you need them, use as freely as you choose to. Because it’s tough, it’s meant to be, nothing great ever came from ease.
- It’s always darkest before the dawn
- Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step
- The only way out is through
- The only way to get this right is to start to do the work
- The way out starts with you
So where do you start to feel in control again?
The most powerful step is the decision to do the work.
The commitment you make to yourself to do the work. The wisdom to start the process, knowing that you don’t know what the journey will hold, and the courage to start the journey anyway.
The decision that you cannot go back to the way you were, has already been made, you can no longer desperately try to hold onto normal.You decide that your new normal will be different, understanding that creating the new takes time and you commit to yourself to create it.
You can decide to step into your wisdom, you can also decide to fight for a cause, or not, for all causes or just one, or one at a time, whatever you decide to do, you are supported in your decision.
After the commitment, it’s time to take care of you, which always comes first. You cannot do the work running on fumes, you cannot pour from an empty cup, you must put your oxygen mask on first.
I remember a story* which goes something like this…
There was a vicar (insert title of a clergyman of your choice) who was immersed in writing his sermon and his young son wanted to play, Dad, Dad, let’s play.
Torn between his work and his son he took the back of a magazine which had a full-page advert of a limited edition painting of a map of the world, for sale upon it. He tore the page into pieces creating a puzzle and gave the pieces to his son, telling him “Do this puzzle for me and when it is done we will play”, “Okay” said the boy and gets to work.
Within a couple of minutes, the boy was done. “How did you do that?” asks the vicar, “It was easy Dad, on the other side of the picture was a picture of a man, I put that picture together and on the other side was the picture of the world”.
The vicar took his son out to play and later returned to change this sermon.
*If you know the original version of this story please let me know.
Take care of you, stepping into your wisdom will take all of your energy, helping the world become a better place will take all of your energy. There is more than one energy area for you to pay attention to, not just your physical energy, it’s also your mental energy, your emotional energy, your spiritual energy and your loving energy. Every day will be a puzzle for you to put a few more pieces together.
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
- Don’t underestimate the power of your actions, both small and large.
- Every kindness you show to yourself you also show to others.
- Every kindness you give to yourself you allow others to give to themselves too.
Don’t limit your actions, some days you will have the energy to protest, some days you won’t, instead, you will have the energy to make the tea and sandwiches, some days you will only have the energy to read or watch a documentary, some days you will only have the energy to sleep.
There is no right or wrong way to uphold your commitment, there is no right or wrong way to do the work, this is the natural way of things, embrace it, a wise woman knows every contribution counts.
Every action creates a ripple effect, and this starts with you.
You’ll get it wrong before you get it right, and I will, we all will, there is no place for perfection at the moment, at any moment.
I was listening to Brené podcast Unlocking Us, where she was talking with Austin Channing Brown about Austin’s book, I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness and Austin said, amongst many amazing things:
- You will get this wrong,
- I’m able-bodied and I get disabled things wrong,
- I’m a cis woman and I get LGBTQ things wrong,
- KNOW that you will get this wrong,
- Doing the work means that we become better human beings by treating other human beings better and if you keep that in mind you will quickly do things right.
You have permission to keep going
Even though it feels like at every turn, anything you do will be wrong, you have permission to keep going, also to slow down or speed up, to take baby steps or giant leaps, you have permission.
When it feels like at every turn, anything you do will be wrong, know that you are in the right place, this feeling of being wrong is natural. It is natural to get it wrong before you get it right, and that’s okay, that’s the way it works.
We aren’t all born walking, talking, knowing, understanding, we learn along the way, it’s a process and it starts with getting it wrong AND THEN you, we, I get it right.
If you are still here I thank you, I’m on this journey with you.
A lot is going on at the moment, we are in the phase of destruction after this will come regeneration and rebirth.
It’s natural for it to feel overwhelming.
You can feel in control again, decide that you will create that new future for yourself, take lots of care of you and know that every action sends a ripple out, and you get to decide what those actions will be.
You have permission to get it wrong and keep going anyway.
As do I, we are in this together, and I support you.